we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
