Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize