Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
