So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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