OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
