Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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