seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.