i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus