my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Life is so much better after having sex.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.