What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex