So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before