well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
