Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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