my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
