Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
