i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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