Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them