Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
