I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
