So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
