I hate your face
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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