Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
