worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
