I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I need moral support for this bender
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
