she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
