I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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