Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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