i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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