Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
