I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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