WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize