I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
