I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
