Ambien. No doubt about it.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
