I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
