Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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