Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
