I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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