walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
