I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
