so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you inspire me to be a worse person
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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