the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
