I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
