If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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