so that wasnt chicken after all
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
