We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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