My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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