I just saw a hot homeless man
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
