Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
be right there i have to get my cape
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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