You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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