looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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