So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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