so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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