Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The air was thick with penises
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
