He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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