Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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