When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize