I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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