He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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