i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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