Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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