i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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