Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
