i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They are going to name an STD after you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
