matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Randomize
