It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
