You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
A+ Viking dick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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