I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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