Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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