I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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