the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
